Voicemail Messages

From PaulGuWiki

Creative

Hello. I'm available right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.

The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.

Hi, this is Bob. If you're part of the problem, hang up now. If you're part of the solution, leave a message.

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

We're sorry, but the number you dialed is disconnected or no longer in service...

The number you have reached, 555-555-5555, has been changed. The new number is 555-555-5555. (Yes, same number.) Please make a note of it.

Hello. (Pause.) Hello? (Pause.) Hello! (Pause.) No, it doesn't look as if I'm in right now. Maybe you should leave a message or call me back later.

Hi. I'm probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

Hello, you have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a message after the beep.

Hi, this is Bob. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

Hello, this is Bob. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil. (Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.) OK, what would you like me to tell me?

This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what you-know-when.

I am not home to talk to you, But please don't be a creep. Just leave your name and number, At the sound of the...

You have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a message after the beep.

So long as phones can ring and eyes can see, So leave a message, and I'll get back to thee.

I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person.

Selected callers will get to talk to me live. Since you're not one of them, leave your message at the beep.

You have reached 555-555-5555. Please hold while I process your call. (Pause.) Our extremely sophisticated computer system performed a trace on your number and was able to match it with our list of important callers. None of our staff is authorized to speak with you except for Fred, who is not here right now. Please leave your name phone number and a brief message at the tone. Thank you for calling and have a nice day.

Hello. All of our operators are busy right now, but if you'll leave your name, telephone number, a brief message, and the time you called, we'll get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you and have a pleasant day.

Hello, this is Bob's voice. Bob's not here right now leave a message after the beep.

Hello, this is Bob; I'm not in right now. You better leave a message at the beep or else... (dramatic pause) I won't call you back.

I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person.

Hey this is Bob, I'm not here right now but you know what to do. Here comes the beep... "Beep!", just kidding.

I'm not available right now so please leave a message, if you are too lazy to do that please hang up now.

I'm not here but don't hang up. Leave a message at the beep and I'll call you right back.

Hello, this is Bob; I'm not available right now. Please leave your name, number and a nice message at the tone.

If you want to know where I am call a psychic. If you're too lazy to do that just leave me a message.

Well well well! It's about time you called me, but now I'm not availible, so please leave a message at the tone.

I'm not here right now, so you have two choices. You can: A.) Leave a message B.) Don't leave a message You make the decision. It's in your hands.

Hello... Hello? I can't hear you right now. Can you try calling me back later. Or just leave a message.

Hello... Hello... Hello, is anybody there? Well, you may be there but I'm not, so leave a message.

I figured it was you. That's why I didn't answer but you can leave a message after the beep.

I'm sorry but the person you are calling is unavaliable right now. Please leave a message at the tone, or just hang up, and try again later.

Hi, I'm either away from my phone, screening my calls, or didn't hear it ringing. Leave a message.

Hi, this is Bob's cellphone. You know the routine: I say, “Leave a message.” I beep. You talk. You hang up. Now let's get on with it and stop wasting time.

I'm too sexy for my phone and that's why I'm not home but you can feel free to leave a message.

Please hold while Bob ignores your call.

Why do people call me if I never pick up my phone?

Choose your words wisely for the power of words is immense.

If you really want to know were I am you'll leave a message.

This is you know who and if you don't know who, then you have the wrong number.

Leaving me a message is the right thing to do. The wrong thing would be hanging up and not telling me why you called. So please leave a message and I'll get back to you.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you a tone, leave a message.

This is Bob's voicemail. Sorry I missed your call, but if you leave your name, a current book recommendation, and a question about the universe, I'll return your call as soon as possible. Thanks.

You know who it is, you know what to do, you know when to do it.

I'm not here right now, so go cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it.

I can not talk to you but you can talk to me.

Please leave your name and a brief message at the tone." It's just a nicer way of saying, "Who are you what do you want with me?"

Funny Voicemail Messages

Bob's voicemail is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

You know what I hate about voicemail messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me.

Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

This is not a voicemail; this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you and I'll think about returning your call.

Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you.

Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know how you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.

You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.

I don't want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is a voicemail? Maybe it's a dream, or maybe it's an illusion, or maybe you don't really exist. One way to find out is to leave a message, and if its reality, I will call you back.

I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow. So please leave a message after the tone. I didn't take a shower today, and I might not take one tomorrow. So if you don't leave a message after the tone; you might have to deal with me in person.

Bob has been captured by a flying saucer and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, phone number, and a message; I'll have him call you back as soon as he gets away. Read all about it in next week's National Enquirer.

Hi. Do you ever feel, like, your head is full of sand, not your regular loose sand mind you, but compacted sand, and there were like, I don’t know, bugs or something jumping up and down on the compacted sand? Well, sometimes I do. Bye.

These words are lovely dark and deep But I've got promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep So leave a message at the beep.

Professional Voicemail Messages

Hello, you have reached Bob's voicemail, I am not available at the present moment, but if you leave your name, number and a short message I'll be sure to get back to you as soon as possible.

Hello, you've reached Bob, I'm currently not in the office, please leave your name and number and I'll make sure to return your call within one business day.

Hi, you've reached Bob of Acme Corp. I'm sorry I not available to answer your call at the present time. Please leave your name, number and a quick message at the tone and I'll forward your message to the appropriate person.

Hi this is Bob, I'm either away from my desk or on the phone, please leave your name and number along with a short message and I'll be sure to get back to you.

Hello, you have reached the office of Bob; I will be out of my office starting on Tuesday, October 18th and will be returning on Monday, October 24th. You can call me when I return or leave a brief message. If this is an emergency I can be reached on my cell, which is 222-222-2222.

Hi, you've reached the desk of Bob. Please leave your name, number and a brief message and I'll return your call as soon as possible.

Hello you have reached the voicemail of Bob. I am away from my desk right now, please leave your name and number and I will be happy to return your call.

Short Voicemail Messages

Hello. I'm Bob's voicemail. What are you?

Voicemail. Speak.

This is Bob. Talk to me.

You have reached 555-555-5555. You know what to do.

Bob Speaking, Leave a message.

Hi. Now you say something.

You have reached Bob's hotline. Leave a message.

Bob's not here, please leave a message.

You know the drill.

I can't talk to you but you can talk to me.

Who are you and why are you calling me?

Hello, Bob's not here, please leave a short or long message.

Leave a message; If I like what I hear I'll call you back.

Leave a message and I might get back to you.

I've fallen and can't reach my phone.

Please wait for the beep then you can say whatever you want.

You know the drill, leave a message, and I'll ignore it.

Leave a message at the beep.

I'm not here so do your thing after the beep.

Busy, leave a message.

Can't talk now, leave a message.

Bob speaking; your turn!

Right number, wrong time... Leave a message.

Life is short so your message should be too.

Shut up and leave a message.

Hi, leave, message, now, bye.

Hey, this is Bob, give me somthing!

Say something.

Hey it's Bob, do your thing at the ring.